Stolen from a friend

Lately my friend Mark and I have been talking about the value of hope, and not, unfortunately, in a cheerful way. We both have illness that we have struggled with for a long time (he much longer than I), and agreed that it was easier not to hope than to hope and again and again be disappointed. It felt wrong to me, but that’s where I was. And still am to some extent. What about Philippians, suffering produces perseverence, perseverance character and character hope? Well, I may need character building, I’ll grant you, but I don’t really see that Mark does. Enough already.

Before I share the thing that cheered me (somewhat) up, I want to share the lyrics of a couple of songs that have been channeling my frustration and hopelessness.

“Because the keys to the kingdom got locked inside the kingdom

And the angels fly around in there, but we can’t see them.

But I’ve got a girl in the war, Paul, I know that they can hear me yell.

If they can’t find a way to help her they can go to hell.”

~Josh Ritter, Girl in the War

and

“I wish you would
Come pick me up
Take me out
Fuck me up
Steal my records
Screw all my friends
They’re all full of shit
With a smile on your face
And then do it again”

~Ryan Adams, Pick Me Up

I’m not really sure what that last song means to me, other than a hopeless resignation, but it is somehow very satisfying to hear him sing, “Fuck me up.” Like, I don’t care, do anything to me, it doesn’t make a difference at this point. A lyric from Ray LaMontagne did that for me last year,

“Well I looked my demons in the eye
Laid bare my chest said do your best destroy me
See I’ve been to hell and back so many times
I must admit you kinda bore me”

So this is how I’m cruising along, and I’m not saying that I’m doing badly: I’m getting things done, I’m officially on staff with IV, being paid for my job, and a lot of other things in my life are coming together, too. But there’s that lack of hope, and the feeling that I don’t want to hope. Then Mark finds this:

Let us in all the troubles of life remember – that our one lack is life – that what we need is more life – more of the life-making presence in us making us more, and more largely live. Let us rouse ourselves to live. Of all things let us avoid the false refuge of a weary collapse, a hopeless yielding to things as they are…he has the victory who, in the midst of pain and weakness, cries out…for strength to fight; for more power, more conscious-ness of being, more God in him. (George MacDonald, Unspoken Sermons)

I have been choosing the false refuge of a weary collapse, a hopeless yielding to things as they are. I repent. The victory is not in me being strong, the victory is in crying out for strength. More power, more consciousness of being, more God in me. May it be so, for me and for you.

The Brothers Karamazov

Is absolutely destroying me once again.  It’s like being hit in the head with a slab of concrete wrapped in a lemon wedge, as Zaphod Beeblebrox once described a certain beverage.  I am absolutely smitten with Alyosha.  More than smitten.  I desperately want to channel his amazing ability to take his own ego out of a situation and be there wholly and unconditionally for God and for others.  Of course I realize that he is a fictional character.  I’m sure Dostoevsky himself was not so winsome.

Media update

The newest Office was really nice. Painfully funny, but not so painful as last week’s, and the sweetest little segment of Jim talking to the camera… You know what I mean if you saw it.

At the request of the inimitable Dub-P I’m reading Pagan Christianity and disagreeing with most of it. I’ll try to post a review when I finish it. Just to clarify, I don’t think Dub-P swallows the book hook line and sinker, but was stretched and challenged by reading it.

Next in queue for reading are a bunch of books on Catholicism that another friend of mine wants me to read, including Rome, Sweet Home and By What Authority. Pretty much the polar opposite perspective of Pagan Christianity? (Incidentally, I don’t think you should have question marks in titles; this may just be my opinion, but it seems stylistically wrong to me. Titles don’t have periods in them, and exclamation points are a mark of the author’s [or publisher’s] failure to find language strong enough to stand on its own. IMO)

I am about to hop over to abc.com to see if there is a new Gray’s Anatomy yet. Life has been stressful lately, and I’m feeling the need to get lost in fictional melodrama for a while.

And WHO are YOU? (the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland)

TV’s back! *spoiler alert*

The writer’s strike is over, and new shows are starting to appear.  I don’t actually have a TV, but there are three or four shows that I watch online.  First, and the one I’m least ashamed of is Friday Night Lights, about which David Kern will speak with much more eloquence than I.  Yet.  I highly recommend it, though this season is prematurely finished due to the writer’s strike.   But it has been picked up for a third season, so the fall looks bright.  Second, and possibly my favorite, is the Office, which had a new episode on Thursday (the whole fourth season so far can be watched at nbc.com).  Sadly, the new episode was one of the ones which, I think, are vital to the ethos of the show in that they delve into the sadness of the characters’ lives, yet really too sad to be funny.  Others may find it funny, and who am I to judge them?  😉  The only two places I laughed – *this is the spoiler alert, kids* – is when Jim realized that Michael had staged the late work day just to get Jim to say he had no plans so that he and Pam would have to come over for a dinner party, and when Jim tried to leave the party without Pam and Pam said, “You wouldn’t leave the party here all by itself, would you?”  Tee hee.  *end spoiler alert*

The new 30 Rock wasn’t all that exciting.  Not much to say about that, except that when they hit the sweet spot they hit it well, but there’s a lot of ho-humming while you wait for that to happen.

The last one I watch is pure escapism, and I excuse myself by telling you that MY PARENTS got me into it.  Grey’s Anatomy.  It’s basically a soap opera, but what keeps me coming back is the very serious struggle of Meredith Grey to cope with her past and her inner demons to accept the love that is right there in front of her on a silver platter.  Unfortunately the last show before the writer’s strike didn’t bode well for this progress.  I think the next new episode to GA is coming in a couple of weeks.

The other show I used to watch is LOST, but I am so hopelessly behind — somewhere in season 3 — that I fear I will never catch up.  Still, the whole thing from start to finish is online, so there’s still hope.  In case I do ever get back to it NOBODY TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS, okay?

I promise to write about deeper things than TV sometime soon.  Don’t leave me, okay?  I have abandonment issues.  I love you!  Don’t leave me!  Leave me alone!  And so on.  Yes, it’s exhausting to date me: I wouldn’t recommend it unless you have a ton of patience and think I’m really cute (well, the chemistry helps build the patience, I guess).  😉

How are YOU?  Seriously, you never talk to me.  What are you FEELING?  What are your hopes and dreams?  I want to know!

JFK

Things I am thinking about today.

http://www.earlyafricanchristianity.com/ An interesting subject: The African heritage of Christianity, and the historical and religious connection between Christianity and Islam. Also, I just received an email of an interesting book study on a similar subject, if anyone is interested.

Hi friends. I’d like to extend an invitation for you to join us on a journey to “explore a new path between two faiths.” Ralph and I have decided to read a book and interact via email (or a blog if someone wants to set one up) as we read it. The book is called, Pilgrims of Christ on the Muslim Road by Paul-Gordon Chandler. This book explores how 2 faiths – Islam and Christianity – can not only coexist, but also enrich each other. “Chandler demonstrates the importance of removing Western cultural and religious trappings associated with Christ in the minds of Muslims, and encourages all to follow a Christ who first walked the Middle Eastern road.”

Here is a schedule for how we’ll read and interact on the book.

Monday, April 14 – Chapter 1 – Pilgrimage to Faith

Monday, April 21 – Chapter 2 – Journeying among Muslims

Monday, April 28 – Chapter 3 – Discovering Home

Monday, May 5 – Chapter 4 – Salaam on Islam

Monday, May 12 – Chapter 5 – A Muslim Disciple of Christ

Monday, May 19 – Chapter 6 – Resurrecting the Eastern Christ: Embracing the Semitic Face of Jesus

Monday, May 26 – Chapter 7 – Opening a Middle Eastern Book: Returning the Christian Scriptures to their Middle Eastern Origin

Monday, June 2 – Chapter 8 – Once upon a Time: Telling Eastern Stories of Faith to Muslim Audiences

Monday, June 9 – Chapter 9 – Questions to a Muslim Christian Pilgrim: An Interview with Mazhar Mallouhi

So, if you think you’d like to join us, get the book, start reading it and let me know so I can add you to the email/blog list. Also, feel free to invite any of your friends to join us. Maybe when we’re finished reading it we can all get together to have a final discussion.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Migraine Because I have a bad one that is not going away. 😦

http://www.parkstreet.org/ I want to get more involved at church again, but see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Migraine for why I haven’t been in a while.

www.intervarsity.org/donate I am at 62% and needing to get up to 70% to get on campus and get a salary. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Migraine as to why this is taking longer than I’d hoped.

The quote of the week goes to my six year old housemate Zachary, who cheerfully told me, “Sometimes I don’t know what I like more: God, toys, Pokemon cards…”

God is good.

How are you?