My dearest April

Apr12

*Note: This is the fourth in a series of letters I’ve been writing to the months. First I broke up with February (click here to read), then I tried to make it work with March (click here), then I took a leap of faith and sent a message to a month I’d met on the internet (here).*

Hey April!

I know we just got back from our date, but I wanted to tell you how much I’ve been enjoying our time together. You took a little while to warm up, but even on our first date you brought me flowers, so I knew you’d be worth taking the time to get to know. The rain was kind of a mixed signal, but it melted the snow my jerk of an ex had left all over the place, so I thank you for that. And you kept bringing me more flowers each day.

Then, that day last week when we went for lunch at that little Cuban place and got caught in the rain on the way home — that was so much fun! And we started singing the Jimmy Buffet song:

If you like Piña Coladas
And getting caught in the rain

Which we both thought was really funny since, you know, we’d met online, the modern day equivalent of a personal ad. It was so much fun, and so romantic, as the rain soaked my hair and ran down my face. And yesterday evening, even though I stayed home, you sent a mockingbird to trill its melodic repertoire of other birds’ songs outside my window. How did you know that mockingbirds are my favorite? Even more romantic than a boombox, in my humble opinion.

But, oh April. Our date today showed me a whole new side of you. You showed me how warm you could really be! I even felt comfortable enough around you to wear shorts, even though I’m self-conscious about my legs. But you made me feel beautiful! You took me on the first bike ride I’d been on since last fall, and it felt so wonderful to be outside again, without all the sweaters and scarves and hats and gloves that those other months made me wear. Just heavenly.

And, April when we came back to my place, it felt so good to let down my guard and open the windows and just let the fresh air come in. April, my dear, April. I haven’t opened my windows in such a long time. But I trusted you, and your breeze was even more warm and gentle than I’d imagined.

Tomorrow we have plans to hang out outside again. And you know what? I think I might open the windows again when I get home. And maybe… maybe even leave them open all night? Am I being too forward? Do you think it’s too soon? I just want to feel your soft breeze on my face while I sleep, and wake up to the sound of birdsong.

Good night, my love. Sleep well.

Jessica

Bake for them two follow up and resources

Apr6

Good morning, friends! Well, it has been quite the few days around here. My little blog that usually gets about 100 readers per post has had more than ~~300,000~~ 1,000,000 since April 1st. I’ve closed the comments on Bake for them two, but I wanted to share a few resources for those who had questions that I haven’t been able to get to.

For those who are looking for safe space to discuss issues of Christianity and homosexuality, The Gay Christian Network has some great resources. Here is what they’re about:

Founded in 2001, GCN is a nonprofit Christian ministry dedicated to building bridges and offering support for those caught in the crossfire of one of today’s most divisive culture wars.

Our membership includes both those on Side A (supporting same-sex marriage and relationships) and on Side B (promoting celibacy for Christians with same-sex attractions). What began as an organization to provide support to LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) Christians has grown into a worldwide movement for compassion with many straight members as well.

GCN helps create safe spaces both online and offline for Christians of all sorts to make friends, ask questions, get support, and offer support to others.

Through conferences, speaking events, videos, message boards, and more, we’re transforming the conversation in the church and working to “share Christ’s light and love for all.”

There you can find message boards, videos, and essays by gay Christians. I so admire GNC for creating space for safe, loving dialogue on this issue.

For Christians, gay or straight, who are struggling how to best follow Christ on these issues, I recommend reading a variety of perspectives. Jen Hatmaker shared this wonderful essay last year which I think is a great example of a conservative Christian sharing her view in as loving a way possible.

Rachel Held Evans has written extensively on the subject. Here is an excerpt from her book Searching for Sunday that talks about her journey. Nadia Bolz-Weber and her church have addressed the issue in many ways — you can start with this wonderful video made by members of her church. My dear friend Glennon Doyle Melton wrote this wonderful essay in the form of a letter to her son.

My friend Steve Watson, pastor of the Greater Boston Vineyard church directed me to this really interesting website, the Third Way Newsletter.

And Steven Kostner at Think Christian published this deeply thoughtful statement on their position on homosexuality. “A theological position is a foundation for ministry, but it is not ministry on its own.”

And lastly, I’d like to recommend two Christian authors without whose writing I would not have made it through the last few years. They didn’t write about gay marriage per se, but just about the incredible love of God for all of us. Brennan Manning wrote The Ragamuffin Gospel and Ruthless Trust among many other incredible books. And my dear, wonderful, beloved Henri Nouwen wrote The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society and The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom.

If you have other resources you’d like to share, please leave them in the comments. I will try to update the comments tonight.

Oh, and some of you have asked about following me on Facebook — I don’t have a public Facebook page right now, but you can keep in touch with me on Twitter.

Thank you so much for stopping by!

Jessica

Late Fragment
And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.”

~Raymond Carver, A New Path to the Waterfall

A book quote and a song

Apr5

The empty tomb. Or is it a hobbit home?

Happy Easter, everyone! The tomb is empty! Christ is risen!

There is a passage at the end of Tolkien’s Return of the King that knocks me out every time. A few years ago I reread the trilogy just to get to that passage with the same build up of emotion at all the hobbits and the rest of the fellowship had gone through: Terror, exhaustion, despair, hope beyond hope, and then — that morning after everything, after the terrible journey, after looking in the face of evil, after clasping hands with Frodo and waiting to die, Sam wakes up. And the description of his thoughts and feelings upon awaking, even though it is in a fantasy book about hobbits, elves, and wizards, is as evocative of the resurrection as any Easter day sermon.

When Sam awoke, he found he was lying on some soft bed, but over him gently swayed wide beechen boughs, and through their young leaves sunlight glimmered, green and gold. All the air was full of a sweet mingled scent.

He remembered that smell: the fragrance of Ithilien. ‘Bless me!’ he mused, ‘how long have I been asleep?’ For the scent had borne him back to the day when he had lit his little fire under the sunny bank; and for the moment all else between was out of waking memory. He stretched and drew a deep breath. ‘Why what a dream I’ve had!’ he muttered. ‘I am glad to wake!’ He sat up and then he saw that Frodo was lying beside him, and slept peacefully, one hand behind his head and the other resting upon the coverlet. It was the right hand, and the third finger was missing.

Full memory flooded back and Sam cried aloud, ‘It wasn’t a dream! Then where are we?’

And a voice spoke softly behind him, ‘In the land of Ithilien and in the keeping of the King; and he awaits you.’ With that Gandalf stood before him, robed in white, his beard now gleaming like pure snow in the twinkling of the leafy sunlight. ‘Well, Master Samwise, how do you feel?’ he said.

But Sam lay back and stared with open mouth, and for a moment, between bewilderment and great joy, he could not answer. At last he gasped: ‘Gandalf! I thought you were dead! But then I thought I was dead myself. Is everything sad going to come untrue? What’s happened to the world?’

‘A great Shadow has departed,’ said Gandalf, and then he laughed and the sound was like music, or like water in a parched land; and as he listened the thought came to Sam that he had not heard laughter, the pure sound of merriment, for days upon days without count. It fell upon his ears like the echo of all the joys he had ever known. But he himself burst into tears. Then, as a sweet rain will pass down a wind of spring and he sun will shine out the clearer, his tears ceased, and his laughter welled up, and laughing he sprang from his bed.

‘How do I feel?’ he cried. ‘Well, I don’t know how to say it. I feel, I feel’ – he waved his arms in the air – ‘I feel like spring after winter, and sun on the leaves; and like trumpets and harps and all the songs I have ever heard!”

“Is every sad thing going to come untrue?” Yes, Sam, I truly believe it is. Jesus is alive, and death itself has lost its sting. Allelujah

*****

If you liked my take on Jesus’ words in the sermon on the mount in my last post, you might also like this incredible song by Josh Cole and the World’s Quietest Band.

Josh asked me to “be sure to let people know that video is an interactive salon concert aimed at awakening the creative spirits of the audience through experimentation and participation and not some cult!” So, you know, it’s not. 🙂 But if it were a cult it looks like it would be a fun one. If you’re interested in hosting a house concert for the World’s Quietest band, you can reach Josh at josh@joshcole.com

The first shall be the last
the last shall be the first
but you can be refreshment
to all you meet who thirst

Don’t you worry about your place in line
just find a dark place and shine

There is Treasure up in heaven
much greater than on earth
you gotta figure now how you’re gonna figure out
where you want to cash in your true worth

Don’t you worry about about what’s yours and mine
just find a dark place and shine

The things you see around now
they all will pass away
so think about the good things
you can do right here today

Don’t you worry about the passing time
just find a dark place and shine

Bake for them two

Apr1

In Jesus’ time, the nation of Israel was under Roman rule. The Israelites were allowed to live there and practice their faith for the most part, but they had to pay taxes to Caesar and obey the Roman laws.

To the Israelites, the Romans were evil and ungodly. They had no place ruling over God’s chosen people in God’s chosen nation. That land had been promised to Moses and his descendants when God brought them out of Egypt. Their very presence in the land was blasphemous.

One of the Roman laws stated that any man could be required to drop what he was doing and carry a Roman soldier’s equipment for him for up to a mile. In the Sermon on the Mount, with his followers gathered around him, Jesus referenced that law and told his followers what they should do in that case:

“If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.” ~Matthew 5:41

Go with them two miles. That was not the advice that most of the people in the crowd that day had been hoping for. That was not the conclusion that they would have come to on their own, following this man that they hoped would lead them to victory over the Romans. That was certainly not respecting their religious beliefs — go with them two! What if their neighbors saw! What if seeing them carrying the Roman’s equipment caused other Jews to think the Roman oppression was okay? What if there was other work that needed to be done — good work, charity work even, but they spent all that time carrying equipment for the evil oppressor? But Jesus is not worried about any of that:

“If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also,” he said. “And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Christians, our Jesus said, “Go with them two.”

If you believe gay marriage is immoral (I don’t, myself) and a gay couple comes into your shop and asks you to bake a cake for their wedding, what should you do? If God causes the sun to rise and the rain to fall on the wedding days of straight and gay couples, then what is our responsibility? If it is against the law to discriminate against people based on their sexual orientation, but you believe strongly that their lifestyle is immoral, what should you do?

Christians, our Jesus said, “Go with them two.”

If you are wondering if it is worth being sued and losing your business to stand up for what you believe is right, if you miss the look of hurt in the couple’s eyes when you refuse them and only see an angry, media-driven, ACLU-led mob attacking the small business owner who is only standing up for what you believe in, what should you do?

Christians, our Jesus said, “Go with them two.”

Jesus said, not only should you follow the law of the land — the law which in America for the most part prohibits discrimination against people because of their sexual orientation — not only should you do the minimum you have to do, you should go the extra mile. (Yes, that’s where that expression comes from!) Do *twice* what the law requires.

If someone forces you to bake a cake for a gay wedding, bake for them two.

Christians, our Jesus said to not only follow the law, but to rise to a higher standard of love. Christians should be the FIRST people baking cakes — for everyone who asks us. We should be known for our cake baking. People should be saying, “There go those crazy Christians again, baking cakes for everyone. They just won’t quit!” Then, when we share the reason for our wild, all-inclusive love, people will want to hear it. “Let your light shine before others,” said Jesus, “that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Christians, when we dig our heels in and insist on our right to discriminate, we are hurting people — we are hurting so many people, so deeply. Behind the ACLU and the liberal media are real people, who have been hurt again and again in the name of Christ. Christians, you and I have hurt them. I know most of us have really good intentions, but we are making Jesus the last thing they want to hear about.

If we “snatch one person from the fire” by refusing to condone behavior we believe is immoral, but send hundreds and thousands of others fleeing churches and Christianity entirely, what have we really accomplished? Someone else will make that cake and fewer and fewer people will look to Christianity for love and hope. We will have won a battle that we were never called to fight in the first place, but lost the war.

*****

Friends, after receiving more than 1500 comments this past week, I’m closing the comments section on this post. I want you to know that I value all of you who took the time to leave a comment, even those who disagreed with me, and especially those on all sides of the issue who vulnerably shared their stories of hurt and healing.

If you would like to read other Christians’ perspective on this issue, or find places for further discussion, I have shared some resources that have been helpful to me here: BFTT follow up and resources.

If you are curious how I came to support gay marriage and full inclusion of LGBT Christians in the body of Christ, you can read about that here.

If you have felt rejected or unloved by Christians or the church because of your sexuality or gender identity, please read my post We choose you.

And please check out Faithfully LGBT and their wonderful photo series of LGBT people of faith.

Love,
Jessica

Dear April

Mar31

Dear AprilFlowers15,

I saw your profile on months.com, and I think you’re just the kind of month I’m looking for. Your pictures all look just lovely. Not that I’m the kind of girl who just goes by appearances. But we seem to have so many things in common: Our love for flowers, for warm breezes, for sunshine and a little gentle rain. I’d love to get together sometime, maybe go for a walk or a bike ride or something? Not to be too forward, but are you free tomorrow?

Just to put this out there up front: You might see some traces of my exes around. February left a bunch of snow and March promised to get rid of it but mostly just condensed it into smaller black mounds. So I am coming into this with a little baggage. But, April, I have a really strong feeling that you’re just the month to help me finally put all of that behind me. In fact, I saw on your Twitter page that you are going to be almost 70 degrees and raining on Friday! That should get rid of the last of this snow! (I hope you don’t mind that I checked you out on Twitter — I’ve just had some bad experiences with months lately, and I wanted to see if you really were who you said.)

Anyway, please write back, and let’s get together soon!

Sincerely,

OutsideGurl74

Dear friends: We are beautiful

Mar27

This is based on a letter I wrote last year last year to some of my friends. I thought maybe some of you could use it, too.

Dear, wonderful friends,

You are all so beautiful. When I look at you I see your bright smiles, your curly or straight hair, in all its blonde, brown, red, or grey glory. I see your emerald, sapphire, amber, or chocolate eyes, your slender or round bodies, your stylish or quirky or casual clothes, your made up or natural face. I admire all of you, and I light up when I’m with you. You are all beautiful, I know this and don’t have to try to know it — it’s self-evident.

I’m beautiful, too. But this — this is much harder to know. And a great deal of the time I don’t know it. So much of my attention and energy is sucked up wishing I looked differently than I do. I have lost hours and hours of my life to trying to loose weight, to figure out how to do my hair and make up, to stressing out about my features and my flaws. All that time and effort.

And the funny thing is that you — you, my amazingly gorgeous friends — you have, too. We women have been hating our bodies like it is our job. And we work so hard at that job, till we’re too tired to do much else. Who gave us this job? Why do we keep it? I’ve quit jobs that were much more productive with much better benefits. Why do I agree to keep working at this one?

What if we all agreed to QUIT?

What if we all believed that we were beautiful just the way we are?(tweet this) Not if we could lose ten pounds, or afford more stylish clothes, or get our hair to behave, or get rid of that cellulite or those wrinkles, or that acne, or scars, or puffy eyes, or, or, or? What if we were confident in who are NOW? Can you imagine the energy that would be released into the world: 3 1/2 billion women who stopped feeling flawed, stopped feeling less than, stopped comparing, stopped hiding themselves and went out there and LIVED?

What if I could see myself through your eyes, and you could see yourself through mine? Not just beautiful but, as Maya Angelou says, phenomenal? You are all truly phenomenal. When you walk into a room — BAM. All eyes are on you, sister. The fire in your eyes, the flash of your teeth, the swing of your waist, the joy in your feet.

I know it’s complicated. I know there are cultural norms and pressures, and hurt in our past, and maybe even some critical people in our present. And almost all of us have voices in our heads saying some truly awful things to us, things we would never in a million years say or even think about each other. Some of us may actually have a chemical imbalance and need medication. It’s not an easy thing, to quit this job. It’s going to take some doing.

But let’s do it anyway. Let’s stage a walk-out on this God-awful job. Let’s look at ourselves in the mirror with the same awe and admiration that we look at each other. That hair! Those lips! Those deep, soulful eyes! Those curves, those lines! How did I get so lucky to have friends such as you, and a body such as mine?

Love you, my lovelies.

Your beautiful friend,

Jessica

P.S. If you want to be part of the walk-out, write in the comments below: I QUIT! and tell me the feature you most love about yourself. Let’s start a movement!