My computer is on the fritz (the Computer-Whisperer is working on it) and so I’ve had to spend hours and hours over the last few days not online, not checking Facebook or reading through my Twitter feed, not clicking on links and reading blog posts, not watching Star Trek the Next Generation reruns, not playing flash games. I have to say, I feel like a kid again. I’ve been reading, and drawing, and just sitting and thinking. It’s so strange to have real empty space in my life again, without the thing that easily and mindlessly fills it.
It’s been kind of profound for me as a writer, too, to not have the ability to write or post what I’ve written. I’ve been able to just think my thoughts without writing them, to just be instead of talking about my existence. Of course it’s been frustrating, too — I have a few things I’ve been working on, and ideas, and descriptions that I’d love to get down on the page before they fade. But mostly I think I’ve needed this Sabbath time, even from the things that I love.
I’m typing this on Mark’s very old Mac, that needs to be plugged in to the internet and electricity because the wifi and battery aren’t working. It’s like 2003 over here, or whenever it was before wifi and longer-lasting batteries were invented. I’m stuck in the spot in the living room where the wires can reach their respective plugs. And I’m about to go away for the weekend, and I can’t take the Mac with me. And I don’t have a smart phone, btw, for those who are thinking, “Let her eat cake.” Even my Nook died, so I can’t play Sudoko and solitaire in bed in the evenings. It’s like a conspiracy. It is driving me crazy, and yet I kind of love it.
Shabbot shalom to all of you out there, reading this on your functioning lap tops and tablets and iphones. I pray for each of you a divine inconvenience, a holy conspiracy to take you out of your routines, out of your easy spaces, and maybe even back into your true self.